OneShot Tournabouts
by wildrook
Summary: AKA, Ace Attorney: Cross Cases. Both Real and Fake Lawyers, crossovers, and final verdicts all-around.


Ace Attorney: Cross Cases.

Case 1: Turnabout Chef.

(A/n: This part's basically what would have happened if Chef hired Phoenix Wright instead of Kyle's Dad against the Record Store owner. The prosecutor involved is the same, but will Phoenix counter against the famed Chewbacca Defense that set OJ Simpson free ONCE?!?

Disclaimer: The following fiction has elements from already existing elements. The names are coincidence…mostly. This fic is based off of both existing and fictitious court cases and uses a combination of both Gyakuten Saiban/Ace Attorney characters and episodes of existing TV Shows/Cartoons with a court case in them. This content is filled with ideologically sensitive material and should not be watched by those who are easily offended by the lack of cursing, the unexpected turnabout, or just the show crossed over with it.

Copyrights:

Johnny Cochran, Alanis Morissette, Frank DeMann, and OJ Simpson are real people and due to the nature of the show crossed over with it, they are heavily spoofed;

Chewbacca is owned by George Lucas;

Phoenix Wright and all related characters are owned by Capcom; and

South Park is copyright Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Comedy Central, and Viacom.

Setting:

Turnabout version of the Chef Aid episode, so Chef is still alive. Phoenix was just in the neighborhood after getting lost looking for Maya's village.)

----

At the South Park national courtroom's Defense Lounge, a young man in a blue suit can be seen talking to an African American with a chef's uniform on.

"Sorry about calling you on such short notice, Mr. Wright," the black man said, shrugging.

"It's no big deal," the young man replied. "It's actually my first trial outside my state, and most of them happen to end with an unexpected murderer, not a copyright infringement lawsuit."

The man then sighed. "Still, with what the Record Owner has up his sleeve, I don't think even YOU would try to break him."

That was news to him. "Who did they hire as the Prosecutor?" 'It can't exactly be anyone I know…can it?'

"It was the man that helped OJ Simpson," they heard someone at the door say. Turning, they saw a man with a red Prosecuting Attorney uniform and grey hair. "Sorry about the interruption, but I think you should back out, Phoenix."

"Why? What's so bad about this guy?"

"Because he's famous for the Chewbacca Defense, something YOU'VE never exploited because of your sense of justice."

Phoenix groaned. "Edgeworth, I think I can handle a defensive statement like that."

Edgeworth frowned. "Phoenix, I respect you as a fellow attorney, but the defense is something that not even Manfred von Karma could comprehend."

"And I respect you as a worthy rival, Edgeworth, just hear me out."

Chef was surprised. "You know how to counter a defense like that?" he asked him.

Phoenix nodded. "It's a bit of trivia that confuses the Star Wars fandom to asking why a Wookie lives with a bunch of Ewoks. All you have to do is explain a few certain things that the creator had originally planned for Endor in Return of the Jedi."

Edgeworth noticed the logic in Phoenix's wording. "I assume those years of being a Star Wars geek alongside myself and Larry is paying off," he replied. "Well, they're about ready to start. I'll be in the crowd. Best of luck, Phoenix Wright." With that, Edgeworth left the room.

"You know that guy?" Chef asked Phoenix.

"He's one of the reasons why I became a lawyer in the first place," he replied. "Now, we'd better get ready."

'I hope I know what I'm doing…' Phoenix thought. 'I've taken down a company head for murder, so I hope I can defeat a Record Company owner for plagiarism.'

The Court Records:

Chef's Tape:

It contains the song "Stinky Britches" by Jerome McElroy, commonly known as Chef in South Park. It's more convincing than the other one…

Official Tape:

It contains the song "Stinky Britches" by Alanis Morissette…wait a second, that's a GUY singing that!!! Alanis Morissette is a WOMAN!!!

Star Wars Trivia:

Used to counter a certain defense. All I can do is hope they pull it out in the open so I can explain why the confusion is there…

----

South Park Courtroom.

October 7, 1998.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Moses," the Bailiff said. Everyone did so, and the judge had entered.

"You may be seated," Judge Moses said. Everyone did so.

'This guy's not like the last few Judges I've met,' Phoenix thought. 'I hope this guy's more confident.'

"Court is now in session for the trail of Maverick Records vs Jerome McElroy."

"The Prosecution is ready, Your Honor," an African American lawyer said, sitting in his post.

"The Defense is ready, Your Honor," Phoenix said.

Judge Moses noticed Phoenix standing there. "Ah, so YOU'RE the Phoenix Wright I've heard about," he said.

"You've heard of me?" Phoenix asked him. 'Wow…word travels fast around here…'

The Record Company owner flinched. 'Phoenix Wright?' he thought. 'Redd White warned me about him. I have to do EVERYTHING to make sure that his reputation is ruined.'

Edgeworth noticed the worried look on the owner's face. 'I'll have to keep an eye out for this man,' he thought.

"Yes, you've gained quite a reputation as the man who decimated Bluecorp."

'I prefer karmic retribution, to put it in simpler terms.' "Thank you. I'm just here because something was terribly wrong." 'Starting with the tapes…'

Judge Moses nodded. "Would the Prosecution make his opening statement?"

The prosecutor nodded. "It's an honor to face off against you, Mr. Wright," he said. "However, despite the formalities, I'm afraid I can't take it easy on you considering that your skill matches my own."

Phoenix nodded. "Well, I've heard of your reputation from a few contacts of mine," he replied. "You're the man who defended OJ, right?"

Everyone in the courtroom muttered.

The gavel was struck.

"Order!" Judge Moses yelled. "The Prosecution will now call their first witness."

Minutes later, the Record Company Owner took the stand.

"Witness, state your name and occupation," the man said.

"My name is Frank DeMann," the owner said, "and I am the owner of Maverick Records, which has manufactured 'Stinky Britches' by Alanis Morissette. I'm suing one Jerome McElroy for wanting to claim rights for it."

'Sheesh,' Phoenix thought. 'It's not even the testimony phase, and already I can tell this guy's lying through his teeth. Something must be up. Why would he steal a song and claim it to be Alanis's own?'

Judge Moses had nodded. "Mr. DeMann, please begin your testimony."

Here's where it starts…

"As a Record Company Owner, I keep track of many songs and artists they're associated with.

"One such example is Alanis Morissette's 'Stinky Britches.' I have the list of records available.

"Yesterday, I was being charged with plagiarism by an impostor who claimed to have made 'Stinky Britches' before I, the Producer, released it.

"Had he kept this under wraps, we wouldn't be here right now."

Judge Moses had thought about it. "May we see the list?" he asked him.

"Of course, Your Honor," DeMann said.

Evidence update:

Maverick Record's Album Release List:

Looks pretty solid, but something isn't right. Where's the documentation of the song in question?

"Mr. Wright, would you begin the Cross-Examination?"

Frank flinched. "C-c-cross Examination?" he asked him.

"Yes, Your Honor," Phoenix said. 'Had I not appeared, Chef would have lost. The testimony may appear solid, but guys like him have no experience in bluffing, and I know from personal experience. There's still the Defense Mr. Cochran has in his belt.'

After analyzing the testimony…

"HOLD IT!" Phoenix yelled. "Would the impostor be my client, by any chance?"

"Yes, Mr. Wright," Frank said, growling. "Why?"

"Because from what I've seen, Chef is the only one in this town that actually wears the Chef hat, and he's well known in this town." He then said to Judge Moses, "I would like the Plaintiff to add that to his testimony!"

"OBJECTION!" Cochran yelled. "If he's that well known, then there would be no REASON for my client to add it. He could have been shown with brown fur all over his person!"

"Overruled," Judge Moses said. "Mr. DeMann, add Chef's appearance to your testimony."

Frank gulped. "Yes, Your Honor." 'Damn you, Wright!'

Updated Testimony:

"Yesterday, I was being charged with plagiarism from a black man wearing a chef's hat for the song 'Stinky Britches.'"

"HOLD IT!" Phoenix yelled. "I find it ironic that you called my client a BLACK man instead of African American, considering you've got a Prosecutor of the same ethnic origin."

Frank growled. "I'll have you know that some of my best artists are African American!"

"OBJECTION!" Cochran yelled. "Recently, the term 'Black' is acceptable if you're referring to a friend."

'Well, there went THAT idea,' Phoenix thought.

After re-reading the testimony…

"OBJECTION!" Phoenix yelled, slamming his palms onto the desk. "Mr. DeMann, you said that Alanis Morissette sang the song 'Stinky Britches,' am I correct?"

"Yes, that's correct," DeMann said.

"And you gave us a list of the songs that were released within the week this was on the radio, right?"

DeMann growled. "What's your point?"

"There are three things wrong with your story." 'TAKE THAT!' "One, Alanis Morissette is a woman; two, the 'Stinky Britches' song isn't among the release lists; and three, there's no WAY that my client here can imitate a woman who had worked on a movie set in NEW JERSEY while this song was recorded!"

That shocked DeMann. "N-New Jersey?!?" he asked himself.

"OBJECTION!" Cochran yelled. "How do you even know that Miss Morissette DIDN'T record on the road?!?"

"Yes, Mr. Wright," Judge Moses said. "How do you know about that?"

"It's simple, Your Honor," Phoenix said. "Maverick Records was founded in Los Angeles. NOT New Jersey. There was no way that she would actually make it there in time to record the song into the album! So he had to adjust the sound to make the singer feminine in nature. However, it's painfully obvious that it sounds like a guy, but a bit more feminine."

DeMann was surprised at that. 'Damn it!'

"OBJECTION!" Cochran yelled. "You may have proved that my client is guilty, Wright, but I want you to look at this." He then pulled out a diagram of a certain wookie. "This is Chewbacca."

'Oh, here we go,' Phoenix thought. 'The wild card that's considered the red herring and a nightmare among prosecutors.'

"That's the Chewbacca Defense?" Chef asked him.

Phoenix nodded. 'It'll still work, but I've got the trivia in hand.'

"As you can see, Chewbacca is a wookie that was born on the planet Kashyyk, but lives on Endor. Now think about it for a moment." Cochran slammed his hands onto the desk. "THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!"

"OBJECTION!" Phoenix yelled, to both DeMann and Cochran's surprise. "It actually WOULD make sense if Lucas had made the Wookies live on Endor as he intended, but because of time and money constraints; they replaced the Wookies with Ewoks in order to bring confusion to the viewers."

That brought a shocked look to everyone's face…and DeMann was laughing.

"You may have countered the Defense, Wright," he said, "but you forgot that we're still on trial. Besides, no one in this town can make a reference to that…and I am the victor of the case, for I AM ABOVE THE LAW!!!"

"OBJECTION!" Phoenix yelled. "If you can ignore the Red Herring, I believe that the plaintiff confessed to plagiarism on the song 'Stinky Britches.' The Chewbacca Defense was just to throw you off as a last resort, and if you ask George Lucas himself, he would tell you the same thing."

Everyone in the courtroom muttered, and the gavel was struck.

"Order! Order!" Judge Moses yelled. "Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"Your Honor," one man said, "we can't deny that we've been fooled by the Red Herring. However, some of us had read transcripts of the original draft of Return of the Jedi, which was called Revenge of the Jedi at the time, so we've reached it already."

"And…it is?"

"We, the jury, unanimously declare Jerome McElroy…not guilty."

That raised a cheer among the crowd from South Park.

"Mr. DeMann, you owe the defendant a credit on the album and a fining of three hundred-thousand dollars. Case dismissed."

----

Inside the Defense Lounge, Phoenix was quite surprised that he had a small fan club going for him from Chef's friends.

"Not bad, Wright," Edgeworth said. "You managed to counter against the Chewbacca Defense and make it shatter like Jericho."

"Well," Phoenix said, "being a Star Wars geek HAS its perks."

"There's still one thing that bothers me, though," Chef said. "How did you know Alanis Morissette was in New Jersey?"

"Yes," Edgeworth said. "I'm still trying to figure that out."

Phoenix shook his head. "You mean you guys haven't heard of the movie Dogma? It's not exactly confirmed, but rumors are that she's making a surprise role in it."

"Oh…" they both said.

Chef made the grin everyone in South Park knows. "How can I repay you?"

"Well, other than the money I need for rent, there's no need for anything else…"

Chef shook his head. "My cooking's the best in this area. I'm well known for my Chocolate Salty Balls…"

Phoenix and Edgeworth just stared at him in mild disgust.

'That sounded wrong on SO many levels…' the Defense Attorney thought. "You know what, maybe next time I visit, I'll take you up on that offer."

"Great. Although you're missing out, considering they're full of nutrients."

"We get the idea," Edgeworth said, still disgusted.

The moral of the case is as follows: Regardless of being a Record Company Owner or Bill Gates himself, NO ONE is above the law.

THE END.

----

(Trivia Notes:

Just for reference, the date of the case is the same date the Chef Aid Episode is released.

Believe it or not, Frank DeMann is an actual person's name. It may sound like a phony name that would be perfect for a Phoenix Wright fiction, but he's basically one of the Co-Founders of Maverick Records, which was founded in 1992. The other two Co-Founders were Ronnie Dashev and (surprise surprise) Madonna. In an odd coincidence, it's a sub-division of Warner Music Group.

The part about Phoenix mentioning that Alanis Morissette was in New Jersey at the time was a half-bluff on my part. The movie he mentioned happens to be Dogma, which was intended to be released a month after the case, but moved to the next year after Disney switched the contract deal to Lion's Gate Productions. Alanis Morissette played God in the final scene.

I haven't watched the episode Chef Aid, but I'm pretty sure that the Record Corporation Guy had modified Chef's voice to that of a flamboyant man's voice and CLAIMED it to be Alanis's own.

As for the Chewbacca Defense Counter-Claim, it's basically referenced from the original idea Lucas had before he came up with the Ewok Race along with a theory. Interestingly enough, I made Phoenix and Edgeworth into Star Wars fans, but Phoenix got the info from Butz, who got them hooked in the first place. You know what they say: "When something smells, it's usually the Butz."

The "Chocolate Salty Balls" reference is to one of the Isacc Hayes songs on South Park. Imagine the surprise on my face when he said that he burned them. That reference ALONE marks this with a mature warning…ugh…)


End file.
